‘Sam Got Them Out!’ A Poem About Sam Simon by Ingrid E. Newkirk

Written for Sam Simon, September 2014

A man on a Palisades Hill

Was suddenly taken quite ill

But focused his cares

On roadside zoo bears 

Releasing them was quite a thrill!

His life may be the Hollywood dream

Playing poker and letting off steam

But he’s the bee’s knees

To two great chimpanzees 

Who were rescued ‘cause Sam’s on their team!

 He supported our SeaWorld court case

Said, “To enslave orcas is a disgrace!”

And he rescued, of course,

Valediction, a horse 

Slaughter-bound when he lost his last race.

He freed the young elephant, Sunder 

From the beatings and fear he lived under.

He’d been chained in the dark

But a lush, jungle park

Now provides him a life full of wonder!

Sunder now has an elephant girlfriend. 

Their pachyderm romance was whirlwind.

If new vows were coined,

They’d say, “What SAM hath joined,

Let no man, whip, or chain tear asunder!”

And chinchillas, 400 or so,

Nearly zapped for a coat or a throw

Were all doomed to be fried

Until Sam Simon cried,

“Adopt ‘em and close down the show!”

Now Sam’s letting students inside 

A hen on a slaughterhouse ride

His virtual reality show

Helps meat eaters cry, “Whoa!”

Because they’ve been that chicken who died.

On a slaughter truck, loaded like freight,

Frightened sows stood—a total of eight.

Thanks to Sam, now they run

Through the grass, in the sun,

And will never end up on a plate.

When Benjy fell flat as a stud,

Farmers said, “Slaughter that dud!”

But Sam saved this “gay” bull

Whose new life is now full

of days grazing and chewing his cud.

A 14-year-old camel, Waheed

Was so starved he was thin as a reed.

Forced to dance and give rides,

And in ill-health besides,

He at last—thanks to Sam—has been freed!

And in India, he’s done what it takes

So that bulls, donkeys, dogs, even snakes

Can stop dodging thrown stones,

Rest their tired, aching bones

And eat grass and their favorite nut cakes.