Is That a Banana in Your Pocket?

Are there any Monty Python fans in the house? In one classic Monty Python sketch, John Cleese plays a self-defense instructor who insists—despite his class’s protests—on demonstrating ways to protect oneself against attackers armed with various types of fruit.

Well, it turns out that he might have been on to something.

Last week’s news was filled with food-related violence. First, in Michigan, Frederick McKaney allegedly hit a woman over the head with a frozen chicken. Then word arrived of a Maryland man who reportedly held up a convenience store with—what else? A banana! Somewhere, Graham Chapman is shaking his head.

All this violence is enough to make you worry that we’re headed for a future filled with bumper stickers that read, “You’ll take my French bread only when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers,” and cop shows that feature officers who yell, “Drop the carrot sticks, and put your hands where I can see ’em.”

So can we all agree that it’s time to chill with the edible aggression? We’ve started the ball rolling by asking authorities to make sure McKaney is fed a vegetarian diet should he end up spending some time in jail, since everybody knows (right?) that animal abuse is connected to violence against humans!

So let’s all take a deep breath and reach for tasty veggie fare to help end the violence inflicted on others—both human and nonhuman. Plus, going vegetarian helps you and the environment too! Though you might want to leave the bananas alone until you’re a bit calmer.

Posted by Jeff Mackey