Bananas vs. Female Viagra

A decade ago, aging men went flying off their rockers to grab a bottle of those little blue Viagra pills. Now, news stories are practically screaming that there’s a pill for women—and we’re not talking about birth control. We’re talking about Viagra—the so-called genie in a bottle for those suffering from sagging sexual energy. This story boasts that Viagra increases sexual satisfaction for women—who often suffer from a decreased libido because of anti-depressant medications.

Sorry to burst happy bubbles everywhere, but here’s the downer: Viagra is not always effective. Up to 40 percent of men who take Viagra report no result at all. We firmly believe that no one should have to live an unsatisfying life. If you’re looking for a good time in the bedroom, you can improve your satisfaction tenfold by making a few simple changes in the kitchen.

Obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, prostate cancer, and hormonal imbalances are just some of the health problems that cause male impotency. Ditching artery-clogging meat and dairy products—and eating a diet rich in leafy greens, fruits, and grains—will lift your mood, get you back into action, and get your blood pumping to all the right locations.

So whether you’re a wannabe manly man or a wannabe Mata Hari, pick up a banana and put down the prescription pills. Vegetarians do make better lovers. And you know what else we make? Some pretty darn cool ads! Here are PETA’s top 10 impotence ads:

10. A Vegetarian Lover Gives You Something to Wake Up For—Last night was great, but there’s nothing like rekindling the fire with some morning wood.

9. Rude Food—Nothing compares to hooking up with a really, really hot dish …

8. Santa’s Not Coming This Christmas—Ho, ho—oh no! “Jolly St. Nick” can’t get his jollies ‘cuz milk’s made his mojo a no-go.

7. Kevin Eubanks Vegetarian Testimonial—The juicy confessional of a former “World’s Sexiest Vegetarian”

6. I Threw a Party but the Meat-Eaters Couldn’t Come—Leaving a beautiful girl in a red-white-and-blue bikini standing there holding a limp sausage? Well, that’s just un-American!

5. Tofu Wrestling—Everyone knows that ladies love extra-firm soy and extra-firm boys. Here’s proof that tofu is so freakin’ cool that bikini-clad beauties will wrestle over it in a kiddy pool.

4. Three Stages of a Wiener—Three more reasons to skip the wieners for a watermelon salad

3. PETA’s Make-Out Tour—Who can turn away from a sexy couple engaged in some passionate PDA on the pavement? Plus, it’s got a much better soundtrack than that annoying “Viva Viagra” song.

2. Eating Meat Got You Down?—It takes a “stiff” competitor to bed a babe. There’s nothing sadder than when a guy realizes he just can’t keep up with the “Johnsons” anymore.

1. Sexy Sausage Ad (Director’s Cut)—In a business where talent is measured in inches, what’s a porn director to do when his meat-head star goes soft? Luckily, a hot vegan guy shows up to turn this Super Bowl party into a sausage fest.

Posted by Jennifer Cierlitsky