Oh, Phew, Piven Was Only Kidding

For a minute there, we thought Jeremy “Mercury Poisoning” Piven was serious when he said that he gave up soy milk for fear that it would give him “moobs.”

I mean, come on, everybody knows that cow’s milk—not soy milk—is the real culprit behind man boobs, right? According to Harvard scientist Ganmaa Davaasambuu, cow’s milk “contains considerable amounts of female sex hormones”—especially milk from factory-farmed cows who are kept almost constantly pregnant. She estimates that dairy products account for 60 to 80 percent of the estrogens consumed by the average person.

But wait—there’s more! Factory-farmed cows are commonly fed bovine growth hormone in order to stimulate their bodies to produce more milk. Hormone-treated cow’s milk contains high levels of Insulin Growth Factor (IGF-1), which studies show can cause the dreaded gynecomastia (moobs). Milk consumption, with all its accompanying hormones, has also been linked to prostate cancer and breast cancer.

So, boys, if you’re worried about maintaining your manly physique, pour some soy (or rice or almond) milk on your cereal—and pour the moob juice down the drain.

Written by Alisa Mullins